August 14th, 2006
I've had certain people in my life comment on how they were old souls and I was a young soul. And they try to tell me that that can be a good thing because young souls have enthusiasm and energy for life, but really I know that people have a connotation of old soul as wiser and young soul as --- well, not so wise.
But really, how many times have we seen young people who think they are wiser than older people. If you are not so wise, it is easy for you to think you know more than you actually do and so you may think you know enough to be considered an old soul, whereas perhaps a true old soul knows he's foolish, doesn't take things as seriously and therefore comes across as young.
as an afterthought - how is it that some people, even my own boyfriends think i am a young soul, whereas others think i am an old soul?
silly people who think they know enough to know what it really means to be old or young
maybe i'm a transcendental soul = one that appears young but is actually old, or one who lived through it all to become the child again
on a different thought.. why do I always find maintaining friendships to be too much for me? what kind of freakishness is that.. it only makes me lonely when i have the example of others with longtime deep friendships, especially of the opposite sex.. and don't those kinds get hazy and confusing in the Harry Met Sally Way.. especially if you've at one point in your life been romantic with them? how easy is it then to maintain an email, long distance, letter, phone call conversation with them that can often be romanticized, idealized and turned into a sort of fantasy sanctuary or image of future bliss to keep you going or escaping when your own very real relationship is needing the kind of care a gardener gives his flowers
bah on soul-reading
Old soul, new soul--I don't even think that way anymore. I don't know if other people grow out of it, but I feel like my own version was a case of youth-thinking-himself-wiser than anything else. Who has any right to judge another that way anyway? I say bah.
And an apology for any brash, youthful, or blind judging in the past.
Re: bah on soul-reading
yes .. old soul, mature soul, young soul, transcendental soul... it is too confusing and judgemental. also an easy way to pat oneself on the back and excuse indifference or detachment by saying one is old. too black and white too. many people i know, including you and I, exhibit qualities of both old and mature souls and probably all the other soul ages too, depending on the situation and the time in our life. so is it a question of what are we like most of the time? what if there is no most of the time in this case but a question of many qualities coexisting? then you cannot squeeze someone into a category and judge them from there.
Perhaps it is a sign of the times that we (in the general sense) are so occupied with labeling ourselves. Do we not do it here, in myspace, in zaadz, in flickr, and in every other online presence that we nourish? Our labels are lists of favorite books, catchy nicknames, photos that we offer up as visual fragments of our souls. It's an attempt to be heard among the chaos, to be recognized, to be considered worthy, interesting, valuable, blah blah blah.
Well, I'm finding there's very little value in a label. Our dancing has no name, and yet it moves people more than we imagined possible. My personality cannot be defined, and yet I'm told I comfort people. Two children in the park wanted to hug me--nothing intellectual there. These are perfect examples of simply being, and in the intellectual sense--not being, non-being. If we simply live, love, and connect, we don't need anything else. I don't give a damn anymore what age soul I supposedly have. It means nothing.
So you're right. We're composites. We're ever-changing. We adapt to the moment. We close no doors to childlike play nor to adult-like discourse. Why limit our place in the world? Eliminate categories. Be nothing.
First off, yes to that whole last paragraph. Amusingly, I find people in general hard to hang on to. It's notable that aside from family the people I make it a point to stay connected to, who have been around the longest, are people I know from the net. It's been interesting watching some of them develop in a passive fashion. Maybe it's the energy, who knows? For me, it's an odd double-standard. I can't really imagine what anyone would want to randomly make contact with me for and the only person I respond to very often in this way is my sister. Family is easier sometimes; I look at them and when I see them talking to me I think "Look at us! Look at our blood, so transparent and yet bonding because it makes such a wonderfully simple excuse to dispense with social mores, doesn't it?" Friends... I always try to keep that somewhat random. "Hey, man, I thought of you. Lo and behold I called immediately thereafter." It's difficult to take it all in stride, considering the various elements, physicality and mentality. There have been times all I had to do was show up and things seemed to breeze right along, but I do my antisocial thing because I'll be damned if that effort doesn't feel just like pulling teeth. Scratch that, pulling teeth never bothered me as much as some people; shattering teeth, that's the ticket. Seriously though, I sometimes feel as though it's a prana, like trying to capture energy with loops and whorls and once you've digested said energy, so to speak, you form a bond that's inexplicable enough to keep you interested beyond all effort and trepidation. I've come to wonder if it's not so much fear as social laziness that keeps me from forming those bonds.
Ah, and old/young souls. You're of the vibrant and wondrous variety, full of both of those elements. Energetic people give off that youth feeling to some people; maybe that's just confusing. Nobody tells me I'm a young soul, but I've gotten that other one before. Then again I don't get much of anything lately; claiming not to know anything might help there. Is it something to do with me being a born cynic? Who knows. At least I'm more the optimistic type of cynic, if there is such a thing (and I'd really love to believe that there is). If you're a cynic, you're an energetic one, so it's hard to say; I doubt anyone thinks of you being a wizened, crotchety sort of soul, interest in wisdom notwithstanding. What kind of soul would you like to have?
Are you happy lately?
thanks for commenting in such a revealing and thoughtful way. i will respond later. I feel a pull my cat right now. Maybe it has something to do with his Buddha-like qualities. :)
what kind of soul would i like to have? oh the kind you described, truly, but at the same time, i'd like people i care about to see and recognize that duality, rather than seeing just the youthfulness and concluding that it is somehow less evolved.
am i happy lately... mostly, though sometimes down on myself because I don't know how i come across to people, i don't feel like i get the opportunity to fully shine. my life right now is more focussed on physical type accomplishments, - jumping the highest, running the fastest, dancing with the most prowess, etc. The problem is.. though I love physical accomplishments, I've always been naturally better at abstract acrobatics - accomplishments of the mind. hmm.. or at least much more so than most people who are drawn to the physical.. so I don't know how to satisfy and express both types of desires and capabilities. right now i don't think my schedule or even my friends reflect all of me. perhaps they aren't supposed to ... but i think it would be nice to have some from friends who are drawn to the abstract in order balance with my existing friends who are drawn to the physical. do you know what I mean? :)
Of course. There were times (are) in which I would see an acquaintance and I'd regale them with all the awesome things I'm reading about, trying to learn, but that energy naturally feeds into my physicality and I'm wishing they would join me in that, so I offer to spar, to exercise, go on long walks, anything! because as much as I love chess and philosophy, I also want to exercise my warrior mien, put my body into perpetual motion and cut through reality to get to a point of pure feeling. To me, that's more abstract than thought, because it embraces the mind and body in a binding to one single moment and motion. Learning something about the unknown is like being a tree, spreading its branches into the heavens and its roots into the recesses of the earth, but that physicality is so much more wholly engaging because it makes one as a dynamo.
When I was active in the martial arts, I struck an odd image with people because I was possibly the most pliable person there in many ways, but I didn't dream of being the hollow reed that bends in reaction without breaking to whip back to form and deliver defeat with seeming effortlessness. No, I wanted to be that whirlwind of fire and steel, like mercury, fluidly blazing with all the cutting force of a hurricane, unstoppable. Not unbeatable, because I didn't care about that, but with indefatigable inertia. Being flexible meant I couldn't be bound, but my high temperature made me blaze through moments with complete joyous abandon. That's the point. Complete engagement. Thinking with sheer focus is to me a matter of separating body from mind to free it to its potential, whereas physicality in its purest and best is a united front.
People, I've never known what I am to them, but that can't be a focal point if I want to propogate the inertia I mentioned. When a person is an unknown, or a potential unknown, to others it often seems better to wash over the public as a force of nature (trusting instinct to dictate morality) and putting said person beyond reproach of the worst possible critic in the moment, the self. Practicing it is hard, very difficult, but I think I've done it in the past and I bet you could attempt it with grace and poise.